It’s amazing what can happen over the course of year, and it’s even more amazing how much a child can change in that same time. Unfortunately for some grandparents, however, those changes are never seen.

In 2015, Betty (not her real name) visited the Beacon office with a note: an announcement for the Bulletin Board section of the paper. It was for the first Alienated Grandparents Anonymous (AGA) meeting she was hosting at the Warwick Public Library.

“Just about a year ago I came in and I asked to put an announcement in the paper for our new grandparent support group meeting. At our first meeting we had three grandparents: my husband and I and one other grandmother,” she said. “Now we have over 30 grandparents that have contacted me.”

Betty’s story and her journey to help other grandparents follows a tale of estranged families and love lost.  The 60-something Warwick resident, a retired educator, has four adult children and four grandchildren.

Several years ago, her relationship with her daughter soured, and contact with her grandchild, Dana (not her real name), was cut. Missing Dana, and knowing grandparents elsewhere are going through similar situations, she wanted to do more.   

Betty turned to the Internet for an outlet that could help, and found Alienated Grandparents Anonymous Incorporated. An established 501(c)3 organization, AGA Inc. provides support and information to those who are estranged. She decided to form her own group, the first in the state. 

The group’s meetings offer guidance on rebuilding and healing relationships, along with coping mechanisms to help manage emotional pain. Led by Betty or another participating consultant, the group has reached out to professional mental health advocates, and special guest speakers have also presented their expertise. Introductions in the meetings are first name only, and Betty continues to hope grandparents sharing stories with each other will help heal old wounds. 

“I’m not sure if grandparent alienation was around years ago, but now it seems to be an epidemic, and evidence of this is that our group, AGA, has members in all 50 states,” said Betty. “Our adult children’s generation seems to know that the law is 100 percent on their side, and they can decide what happens with their children. But in our case and many other cases, a wonderful loving bond was formed between the grandparents and the grandchildren, and then for many different reasons, or maybe no reason at all, the relationship is abruptly ended.”

 There are many physical signs of alienation, the most common being avoiding socialization, suppression of expression, blame, denial, behavior control and lying, amongst others. Alienated children can experience fear, anxiety, depression, helplessness, confusion, guilt and isolation.

 “This is heartbreaking for the grandparents, but for the grandchildren this must be upsetting and confusing since no explanation is given,” she said. “This is a severe form of emotional abuse for our grandchildren.” 

Though their numbers are small, Betty feels like the group has helped many know that they are not alone. Group members have said how much it has helped them to know that other grandparents are going through the same thing.

“People who have trouble dealing with this, sometimes they try to go to a therapist, and I would just advise that the therapist is experienced in family relationships and depression and even dealing with grief, because when you lose a grandchild through this it’s almost like they died, but it’s not,” said Betty. “But it’s still very hard, it’s a separation.”

The group now has a permanent meeting place at St. Luke’s Church, 99 Peirce Street, East Greenwich, and gathers on the third Monday of every month at 6:30 p.m.

 June 14 is National Grandparent Alienation Awareness Day, and support for the cause may be shown by wearing blue, green and white. Betty is hoping that more awareness of the cause might be generated locally because of the national event.

“Tell as many people as possible that you support a child’s right to know their grandparents. It’s one day that could give a child a lifetime with their grandparents,” said Betty. “Because kids who are denied their grandparents are usually the ones who need them the most.”

For more information write AGA-RI@cox.net. Additional information on grandparent alienation may be found at www.aga-fl.org.