Cranston West welcomes MADD for 32nd annual vigil

Jen Cowart
Posted 12/18/14

It was a somber occasion last week as the Cranston High School West Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD) club, along with the West community, welcomed the Mothers Against Drunk Driving …

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Cranston West welcomes MADD for 32nd annual vigil

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It was a somber occasion last week as the Cranston High School West Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD) club, along with the West community, welcomed the Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) 32nd annual candlelight vigil, remembering those who have died as a result of an impaired driver. The vigil also remembered those whose lives have been forever changed because of such tragedies.

The evening was filled with musical tributes, dramatic presentations and speakers, as well as a video tribute that showed the faces of those victims being remembered last Tuesday. The family members of the victims were welcomed to come down to the stage area during the video tribute and speak the names of their loved ones as the room darkened and candles were lit.

Denise Alves, state programs director for MADD, opened the event, welcoming guests and reading aloud “I Carry Your Heart With Me,” a poem by e e cummings. Alves explained that for the past 11 years, the vigil has been held at a high school.

“Typically after the Teen Spirit [SADD leadership program] over the summer, a high school will ask to host the vigil, but those schools need the support of their school administration and support from within,” Alves said as she introduced Cranston High School West Principal Tom Barbieri.

Barbieri welcomed all of the guests and thanked SADD, the West Chamber Choir, drama students, the Westernettes and the Falconettes, the Cranston Area Career and Technical Center culinary arts program and their respective faculty members for all their hard work and effort in putting together the event.

“It is good to see so many gathered here tonight in the embrace of a community. Something life-transforming has happened to us. Words are simply not enough, yet we can’t be silent,” Barbieri said. “Tonight we gather to remember others. Our candles will be lit, words will be said and emotions will be evident.”

Barbieri cited the words of another, unnamed school leader who had been through a tragedy in his own community. Barbieri shared those words with the audience.

“He said, ‘Today, right now, we can decide to live more consciously, more fully, more richly. Today, right now, we can give this personal vow in tribute to those whose lives were so cruelly cut short. Today, right now, we can choose in light of what this night means, to take another’s hand, lift another’s burden or simply acknowledge another’s worth.”

The Color Guard entered the room as the national anthem was sung by the Chamber Choir.

Bob Phelps spoke on behalf of the MADD vice president, thankful that the vigil at West would let the students see what the gathering was really all about.

“It’s not by accident that this event is held at a high school every year,” he said. “You young men and women can make a big difference in your age group.”

Col. Steven O’Donnell, superintendent of the Rhode Island State Police, delivered special remarks. He noted the difficulty of the past few weeks with the negativity surrounding those in law enforcement. He was pleased to be able to take the time to pause, reflect and remember those who lost their lives needlessly as a result of impaired drivers and said that, for him, attending such events as the vigil never gets easier.

“Drunk drivers in Rhode Island need to know that at the very least they will be arrested. The wake of destruction is devastating, and many live with the effects from a drunk driver every day,” he said.

O’Donnell gave statistics showing that fatal crashes outnumbered murders 2-1, with a third of the crashes being alcohol related.

“Each time there is a murder, people are shocked, and yet more than double the amount of people have died from impaired-driving, alcohol-related deaths. Tonight is our peace march,” he said.

Barrington Police Chief John LaCross led the group in “The Visit,” an emotional meditation, visualization and healing technique used to help those in the audience dealing with the loss of a loved one. That served as a prelude to a speech by Dan Converse, the Barrington father of Jon Converse, who was killed on Nov. 5, 2007.

“Jon was loved and adored beyond distinction,” Converse said. “I think of him 365 days a year. We are seven years now into this journey of a lifetime. Am I angry? Yes. Is my wife angry? Yes. I lost a part of me, my wife lost a part of her on the day he and his friends made the choices that ultimately led to his death. He should’ve turned 24 on Dec. 7.”

Converse spoke about the connection he still holds with his son, about the times he feels his presence. He cited a poem whose last line speaks about losing touch with those who have passed and stated that he disagreed with that generalization.

“The longer I travel, the more I learn and experience, the more I disagree with that last line. Did we lose touch? No. I lost an integral part of my life, and it is not today as it was when he was here on earth with me,” he said. “It’s a different type of connection now, but my connection with him gives me a little contentment as we try to progress, try to get up each day and put one foot in front of the other, try to put on a happy face.”

The Chamber Choir sang “We Are Lights” before Terry Phelps, a faculty member at West and advisor for SADD, got up to speak about the loss of her younger brother, Tim Stein, to a drunk driver. She spoke lovingly of her brother, who was born in 1966, the fifth child to her parents and the first boy.

“He was a great joy from the day he was born. He married and lived in the small town he was born in. He was humble, always responsible and always the real deal,” she said. “Everyone could always count on him, he was always there. His favorite restaurant was our mom’s kitchen because he said it was always open. Now there is an empty chair at that table; now there are always leftovers.”

She described the scene on Feb. 2, 2000, when her brother was driving home from work to meet his son, Timothy. A car driven by a drunk driver going 70 mph in a 40-mph, no-passing zone attempted to pass an elementary school bus, forcing her brother off the road in the tractor trailer truck he was driving, a load of steel as its cargo.

“There was no place for Tim to go, and the steel shifted forward, crashing into the cab, killing him instantly. My brother Scott, driving seconds behind him, carrying the same load on his own truck, saw the entire thing,” she said. “So think about this as you celebrate the holidays. Be responsible as Tim always was, and think about the fact that this was most definitely, most definitely, not an accident.”

A dramatic reading of a poetry montage was performed on stage before John DeCubellis approached the podium. He is the father of Katie DeCubellis, who was 13 when she was killed along with a friend’s mother in a crash that was the result of a drunk driver.

Katie was the niece of Holly Meyer, a member of the Cranston West faculty. Each year, high schools across the state adopt one victim’s family as part of their tribute to the victims of drunk drivers. This year, Cranston West has adopted the DeCubellis family, honoring Holly and her family members as they persevere through their daily journey of loss and healing.

“Oct. 29, 1999 stood out as any other day for our family,” DeCubellis said. “A dance at Narragansett Pier School had been cancelled and Katie moved to Plan B, which was spending the evening at her friend Becky Bowman’s house. The girls convinced Becky’s mom, Marcia, to head up to the Warwick Mall. Without any warning, on Route 4 North, a car driving between 85 and 90 mph struck the back of their vehicle and pushed them off the roadway. They were pushed down one side, and up the other, facing into oncoming traffic. It was a violent collision that cut the vehicle into three pieces.”

DeCubellis spoke of returning home that evening himself, with his wife, from a wake, and hearing a message from his daughter Katie on the machine. Calling over to the Bowmans’ house to check in, he was surprised to hear a state trooper pick up the phone.

“At that point you think it’s bad, but you never know how bad the circumstances really are,” DeCubellis said. “The officer said to me, ‘Sir, I’m sorry to have to tell you,’ and at that moment it’s a parent’s worst nightmare hearing those words. Mrs. Bowman was also killed, they told me over the phone. Later, those state police officers were standing in my kitchen, tears streaming down their cheeks.”

Katie left behind a younger brother and sister, ages 10 and 4 at the time. Their father spoke to the audience about the difficulty of sitting down their young son to tell him that his sister had been killed, and then leaving him with grandparents to go and identify his daughter’s body.

“That next day was the first day of forever,” DeCubellis said. “The first day without our daughter. We had to plan a wake for an eighth-grade honor student who had just turned 13, a vibrant girl with a passion for volunteering her time and helping others. She was never able to realize her ultimate hopes and dreams. It’s human nature to be consumed with feelings of anger, malice and obsession, but her mother Meg and I have vowed not to become consumed with that drunk driver who caused her death and to instead work with the opposite emotions. We want her death to not be in vain, and we feel that there is no better way to honor her than that.”

As the two-hour vigil came to its conclusion with the emotional candlelit reading of the victim’s names by their family members, Kylee Harris of the SADD club thanked all for their support and attendance, and refreshments provided by the culinary arts program were served in a nearby room for all guests and speakers.

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