* ½

(Stupid, boring farce)

This one is bad enough to make our daughter take Johnny Depp’s picture off her office wall.

What was he thinking when he took on the role of Charlie Mortdecai, the boring, ego-centered narcissist who cares more about his new mustache than his beautiful wife (Gwyneth Paltrow)?

Charlie is used to the good life, but bad business dealings have left him in a precarious position, forcing him to get involved in shady dealings involving a stolen Goya painting.

Depp overacts in every scene, apparently trying to recreate some of the great British comedic actors like Peter Sellers, coming across as a complete buffoon.

The plot is stupid and the acting horrific…with one exception. Paul Bettany as Mortdecai’s manservant is hysterically funny. Like he’s the only one in the movie who gets that this is supposed to be a satire.

The writing is so bad that Depp has to resort to voiceovers to try to hold things together. To make matters worse, the writers resort to that tired technique of repeating certain actions to help the audience piece together what has happened. By the time the movie ends, you couldn’t care less.

There are car chases thrown in to give us some action to offset the boring dialogue.

Rated R with some sex and profanity and a disgusting vomiting scene. We never understood what is funny about people vomiting on others.