THIS SIDE UP

Mechanics of a first date

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My son, Ted, fell in love Sunday. So did I.

She was green, not even a teenager, but she was wise for her age. You could tell she knew a thing or two – a bit of grit here and there was a giveaway – and that she had been well cared for. There were no wrinkles.

She was ravishing compared to some of the country girls I’ve seen. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the country gals. They can be attractive in their way. Even when cleaned up, and I’ve seen a few in upstate New York parades, they carry an air of being hard worked. They have character, but it’s not love at first sight.

On the other hand, while planned, our encounter Sunday morning took us both by surprise. How could this happen; how could we not realize we would be wooed by her throaty voice, her sweet breath and all that sparkling bling? We were unsuspecting of the gentle planting of her feet, the smooth bite of her jaws or the curve of her hips.

We never would have found her had it not been for the internet dating service. But there she had been all along and less than ten miles away…could it be she was just waiting for Ted’s call?

Now, as you know, you just don’t call up young ladies even if they are soliciting invitations on the internet. That can get you in trouble. So, Ted called her dad, Dave, and arranged for a date. He would chaperone the first date.

“Do you want to come along, Dad?” he said knowing full well I wouldn’t be able to refuse the invitation. As icing he added, “we’ve got one blueberry pancake left.”

“I’m leaving now,” I said stressing the “now” so he wouldn’t be tempted to finish off the last of the breakfast pancakes.

As I pulled into the driveway, Erica and the girls were on the way out to church.

I followed Ted into the kitchen, immediately spotting the pancake. But that wasn’t on our minds.

Ted was checking his phone.

“I have a phone number but not an address,” he said. How was he going to keep a date without an address? Had the ad been some kind of a ruse, a bait and switch?

“Oh, it’s here, a text,” Ted said relieved.

He plugged the address into his cell phone navigator. We hopped into his truck bringing along his dog, Nash and our faithful hound, Ollie. The dogs would surely be welcome on this date.

Dave was waiting for us. He looked a little anxious, after all this was his baby.

Both Ted and I looked around. There was no sign of our date.

Dave read our signals.

“She’s over here,” he said pointing to a second building that we hadn’t realized was part of the property. We walked over. Dave opened the door. I didn’t spot her at first. There were a couple of boats on trailers and a red dump truck with the name of Dave’s yard service emblazoned in gold letter across the hood.

Then we saw her in her green attire nestled alongside the truck. Dave patted her, reaching over gently. She sprung to life, purring. She responded to his touch, moving forward to display her attributes. It was impressive. She positioned her legs, swung her neck from side to side. She was flashing us, and facing us she raised and lowered her jaw.

I knew what Ted was thinking, how would Erica take to having such a gal move in?

I also knew Ted was smitten. Dave knew it, too.

He suggested there were other suitors. He wanted her out of the house.

She was more than what Ted needed, but then it’s always good to have a strong woman around.

This was the tractor and combination back hoe and front end loader that had stolen our hearts. For the time being, however, she wouldn’t be leaving home. The dowry was too much.

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