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***CREEPY OLD MAN ALERT***

Please be on the lookout for an escaped mental patient with a description as follows:

Cranky old man with a big beer belly and a crooked buck tooth, wearing soiled pajama bottoms. Known to troll the Oakland Beach seawall area in a silver Hyundai looking to meet young men for "fun times". If you spot this creepy old man, please call the Butler Hospital missing patients unit.
From: Mayor Solomon Declares State of Emergency for City of Warwick

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